Redefining Me

Yesterday, my husband and I met with a loan officer (Ken) to talk about refinancing our home. Interest rates are a full point less than we're paying right now, so it's the perfect time to do it. Hey, saving $100 a month sounds good to us, especially when that money could go towards our daughter's braces that she'll be getting this summer.

So we're sitting in the bank answering the typical questions for the zillions of forms required. At one point, we realized my income wasn't needed in order for us to qualify. Ken said, "So instead of listing your occupation" (self-employed writer), "I'll just list you as a 'homemaker.' Is that ok?"

Wanna know what I said in response? Do you? Wait for it...

I replied, "Well, I don't like the sound of that, but whatever." (insert chuckle)

On the way home, I thought about what I'd said and this time I didn't laugh. When in the world did I start thinking that "homemaker" was a dirty word? A word to be embarrassed by or even ashamed of?

Hey, I'm all for women working and pursuing careers. I personally think that "writer" is one of the things that defines who I am. But yesterday caused me to take a look at my heart and discover that a part of me believed that being a "writer" defined me more than being a "homemaker."

Housewife...homemaker...stay-at-home mom...it's sad that society has determined that this role is unimportant, unworthy, certainly nothing to brag about.

And how much sadder that I'd adapted that mentality.

I'm thinking that my husband and kids would rather define me as a great wife and mother than a writer any day. And even though I believe part of my purpose on this earth is to use the talents God's given me, I think my most vital purpose - the one that will have the most eternal impact - is making a home for my family.

Bang a couple of pots and pans if you agree.

Confessions of a Hopaholic

Because I am just recouping from the ACFW conference, I have chosen to repost a previous blog entry today. I hope to post all about the conference and how awesome it was but I will spend today unpacking, doing laundry, and trying to process all the information fed into my brain over the last several days. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this entry from earlier this year, in which I confess my hopaholic tendencies. Maybe you can relate...



So I saw the movie, Confessions of a Shopaholic, the other day and I could so relate. Not to the shopping part (although, don't get me wrong - I LOVE shopping and especially a great bargain!), but to the "aholic" part.I have an addictive personality. Years ago, it was cigarettes, parties, burritos, The Love Boat and ice cream. These days, it's the computer, coffee, reality TV, coloring my hair, and ice cream. They really need to come up with support groups for these things.

Now, about the title of this blog post. You may think the HOP refers to my tendency to character-head-hop. But that's not it. I pretty much have a grasp on that principle. No, my confession is about my slight addiction to distractions. Ok, I don't have A.D.D. In fact, I'm not a hyper person at all. Most people would describe me as laid-back. But even though I'm physically calm, mentally, I hop around like a bunny on steroids.

This addiction gets in the way of my writing. I'll be in the middle of a great scene and the thought "email" will pop into my head. Oh...gotta go check that e-mail!

Scene interrupted.

I'll be brainstorming away for twenty minutes straight, and out of the corner of my eye, I'll see dust particles dancing in the beam of sunlight. Oh...gotta go get the Pledge.

Creativity interrupted.

I'll be concentrating on editing a chapter that includes a character's birthday and I'll think, "Oops...forgot to mail so-and-so's birthday card. I'd better do that now."

Productivity interrupted.

I'm working hard on one manuscript and something triggers the thought of another manuscipt I've got going. Oh...think I'll dig that one out instead.

Focus interrupted.

Get what I'm talking about? This is why it takes me so long to finish a manuscript (about 4 years to finish my first!).Maybe you struggle with the same thing. Please tell me you do and that I'm not the only Hopaholic Writer. But here's what I'm after: ADVICE.

How do you keep your focus? How do you prevent yourself from flitting around from one thing to another? How do you get stuff done?

You know, I'm thinking there needs to be a support group for Hopaholics. But then, that would just be one more thing to bounce to and distract us from our writing.

Oh...gotta go. Gotta check my email.

First things, First

I've never been very good at prioritizing. My problem is that to me, everything is important. Although I am a list-maker, there are so many things I want to do that I have a really tough time crossing off my list or placing one thing on top of the other.

OK, there are some things that are meant to be a priority - like spending time with God. This should always be the first thing on my list. I try to be consistent with this one but, I'll admit, sometimes I fall short. In fact, sometimes, spending time with God falls way down the list and once in a while, I don't get to it at all. OK, "don't get to it" isn't the right term. More like, "choose not to." Sometimes I can't even believe they let me in church.

Another thing that should be at the top of the list (right below God) is my family. Unfortunately, I'm not always successful at this one either. I think of how many times I've put off my daughter when she's asked to play or how often I put my work before spending time with my son. It makes me sad to think about the moments I've missed out on because I didn't make my family the priority it should be.

When it comes to writing, I have a dilema. My passion is fiction and there is nothing I want more than to be a published novelist. But then there is that little thing called money. I don't get paid for working on my novel (at least, not yet). I DO get paid for working on other things - like non-fiction. Like message board moderating. Like greeting card writing.

So...although I want desperately to prioritize my fiction above my other writing, I can't. At least, not if I want my daughter to still play the drums, both of my kids to play sports, get hot lunch and wear cool clothes. And not if I want to continue being able to go to the movies or out to lunch with a friend any time I want.

And there we have it: I guess my priority is "stuff" over "desire to be published."

I know there will come a day when I'll be able to devote more time to my fiction. And maybe I just need to better manage my time (Hey, I don't call myself the Distraction Diva for nothing). But, for now, I'm lining up my priorities this way:

• God
• Family
• Making money
• Novel

It about kills me to see Novel at the bottom of that list. I just have to face the fact that becoming a published novelist may take me a little longer than I'd like. My patience is not very happy about that.

But...

I do believe that if I keep God at the top of my priority list, everything else will fall into place.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. " - Matthew 6:33 (NIV)